


Ineffable Worlds

by sleepyRam



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Alpha Crowley ( Good Omens), Alpha Gabriel, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Aziraphale & Gabriel (Good Omens) - Freeform, Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley Met Before The Fall (Good Omens), Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Crowley's Plants (Good Omens), Discorporation (Good Omens), Dominant Beelzebub (Good Omens), Drug Abuse, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fanfiction, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gabriel (Good Omens) - Freeform, Gabriel Swears (Good Omens), God - Freeform, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Mentioned Freddie Mercury, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Omega Aziraphale ( Good Omens), POV Beelzebub (Good Omens), POV Multiple, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Show References, Smut, Suicide Attempt, They need hugs, Torture, War, alpha beelzebub, castiel - Freeform, gabes a dick, help them, lucifer met aziraphale, music references, omegaverse good omens, podcast references, pre-fall Aziraphale (Good Omens), wtnv reference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2020-06-23 17:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19706548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyRam/pseuds/sleepyRam
Summary: In heaven the most perfect and ideal beings of angels are Alpha's and Beta's. Omega's are seen as weaklings and destined to be a fallen angels.For the longest time Aziraphale has had to battle himself to control and hide his status, being seen as a modern normal Beta.Crowley being his best friend and always being at his company makes it more difficult at times.One day while Aziraphale was out he spotted Gabriel and on his way towards the other direction a feeling suddenly came over him...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will be switching POV from time to time so I'll mention it in the notes.
> 
> Enjoy╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

The last thing I felt before the impact was a pain, and emptiness that felt as if I died or was 'dying'.

"C-crowley..." I reach out for whatever whoever, hoping it isn't Gabriel before passing out.

***  
I wake up in a peculiar place, it appeared I was laying on a coach, so I stood up and looked around seeing if it was a familiar place ---- I had been more accustomed to Crowley's flat since I've ended up visiting him there on not many but certainly enough occasions.

I could see the obvious terror he put into his plants so from time to time I'd slip compliments to them quietly but loud enough for them to hear. 

He may be a demon but still he was nice enough to care in his own wicked weird demonic way.

No, this place was different. There was barely any plants like Crowley's flat. There was maybe 2-5 plants by the windowsill, they were obviously plastic. 

The white walls, cabinets, with a black marble countertop, and silver fridge that had nothing but green drinks, and other things with the word PROTEIN! in giant bold letters.

"Oh dear! What if I was kidnapped that means I must leave as so- ahnn!~" All of a sudden I fall to the ground, my legs shaking, my...butt aching and my stomach feeling empty, I could feel the slick soaking my underwear.

"haa..hnnh p-please C-crowley.."I grind against my hand, wanting anyone to...but as an angel I-I must.... fuck..

"Look at you I think I like you better like this Aziraphale, though it is tempting to compose myself right now I'm sure more than anything you want an alpha to take you don't you, you filthy slut."

"G-Gabriel n-no! I.. mmh..please just get me to my book shop..I-I need my repressors.. please Gabriel!"

"We both know that's not what you really want Zira," he smiled a wicked and twisted grin, crouching down releasing and filling the room in his pheremones. 

" Let into your temptation Aziraphale show me the type of devil you really are," The smell of Oakwood, and grapes mixed with salt. " I knew after all how could a beta be sooo useless, heh you almost did fool me until today."

" G-gabriel please h-help me.."

"Well, if you insist. Heh, oh! but this will be your fault for tempting me just know that much Aziraphale so I will have my way with you and it's all your fault."

He started by having me open my mouth for him, "If you bite I will go after your little fallen angel, so careful with your actions or there will be consequences. Now stick your tongue out and cooperate." 

I did as he said and he took out his cock putting it to my tongue I looked at him, and he gave me a look as if I knew exactly what to do, and I did. 

I could feel his length almost down my throat I can feel it pulsing when I licked the tip, I had hoped the sooner he released the sooner I'll be free.  
-  
The upsetting part was the heat had made me lose a part of me to this sexual desire of his, but the other part was nothing but guilt.  
I kept going looking around the tip before he shoved my head down to his base releasing his spend into the back of my throat, I could feel my own dick twitching as I held back a gag.

"Heh, guess there is only one thing you may be good at, now lets see how you are in the other hole, Azira."

"P-..please I don't want it, I don't want to do this...I..I want Crowley please Gabriel let me leave.." 

"Oh disgraced angel, we both know you have no choice."  
What seemed like soft cries turned out to be sobs, with repressed moans. 

***  
I returned home that night after Gabriel had been finished with me he left me alone and I made my way back to the bookshop.

I didn't want Crowley to see or smell me I didn't want to be noticed I didn't want anything.

Worst part is, I can still feel him.. Like a sick unknown entity is crawling inside me. Where he touched where he bit and licked and marked me and released in me made me feel,  
used.. dirty.. stained.. and worst of all lustful.

-

"I can't..I can't stand this...I can't stand you.." my reflection is looking back at me, but is it really me? 

"What would Crowley think of me now..." I'm doing this for him, so he doesn't have to be burdened by my existence anymore. Yeah..this is reasonable.

I take the note I prepared before hand, rubbing it gently before looking away. Hell even a paper made me gag, am I that dirty now?

I place it under a book in the table in front of me before slicing my wrists.


	2. Drunk in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (#whenyouACCIDENTALLYrefresh the pageTWICE))  
> (pls send help I will cry)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( Crowley's pov))

"A bloody ffucking hour passed.. where the dickens is he!?" 

I could feel the stares of people around me, well what's it to them anyway how do they expect me to act!? I'm a demon for sa- someones sake!

Tapping my foot repeatedly, I had asked Aziraphale to have a da- to have lunch with me at Ritz and he hasn't showed up in the last hour, since he hasn't shown up I know that the reason can be one of two,

One he saw a book that caught his eye and began reading it.

Two, I never phucking asked him!

I slam my fist down onto the table, as I would say accidentally. I could feel the fear in the humans growing with my every action and can feel their gaze watching.

"Whatcha' lookin at lad? Go on then tell me!"

"I.." 

"That's what I thought." He was visibly shaking, afraid, and it took some of the strength in my body to finally keep from tormenting them and to leave Ritz.

"Alright, he better be in that silly ol' bookshop of his or I'll... do something,"

I march right in before locking it again and walking directly towards where he'd usually be.

"Oi Angel! Where the dickens are!...you," I could see Aziraphale sitting lifeless his body with deep gashes on his wrist and god .., the blood. 

"Oh no no no no no no noooo! Angel c'mon don't do this to me you can't! For Christ... No it's ok we can fix this right!? Yeah yeah alright think Crowley what can you do? I can't put the blood back in there's too much lost and he's been..for too long so...!" Then it hit's me I can just turn back time to an hour and a few minutes back.

-

I'm walking towards the Ritz and stop mid-track making my way to his book shop barging in, I see him whip around quickly to face me.

"Crowley.. W-what are you doing here you aren't supposed to be here, at least not yet,"

"Angel What in the heavens are you talking about!? More importantly what the fuck are you doing!?" I quickly take away the blade making it disappear.

"You can't just end your life not right when I just got you back not when I," I look away before looking back, " Not while I still have so many things to do with you."

"C-crowley..."

His shoulders were tensed that was the first thing I had noticed as soon as I barged in, but then he broke into harsh sobs. I put my glasses down on top a pile of books laying about and I gave the biggest tightest hug i could over him.

Aziraphale was not one for crying, though he looked it he never seemed to cry but this time around he did, and I just knew whatever had happened or whatever he went through to drive him to suicide was unforgivable and whoever had harmed my angel is not and will not be forgiven.

"Crowley.. I can't I just can't deal with myself at this precise moment, I can't live with myself I don't want to be ruined I don't-"

"Hey Angel look at me," He shifted his gaze up to meet my eyes, I could tell he had been crying before hand because his eyes were swollen.

"It's as I said before you're an angel, and it's not just that it's from over the 6000 years we've been together and I've known you, I've known that you could never do anything wrong and you never have. That's why you're so special and not even all of the other humans, or angels or whatnot can compare to you! You are Aziraphale, and I trust you."

It had took me a moment to realize I was cupping his face and another to realize I wasn't wearing my glasses and he had been staring.

"Oh sorry..I must look hideous right now heh don't I?"

"Not at all, I always found myself enthralled by your eyes. They're quite lovely."He smiled.

He smiled his sunshine smile, the one where his eyes would smile as well, and everything about him screamed angel ー you could tell it was a real genuine smile just by a look, you didn't even have to know him that well enough to know that his smile was an actual smile that radiated purity, and innocence.

I had only wished I could hold him like this forever but no... I can't and couldn't.

* * *

A month had passed since the incident I had tried to get Aziraphale to tell me what exactly drove him to the point of murder but trying to get him to talk was like trying to get a duck to eat a grape, possible but difficult. He told me to drop the subject, so I obliged.

Things became more different with Aziraphale though. He had seemed more paranoid and jumpy lately, he barely ate and obviously lost some weight, and he disappeared more often telling more than asking me to watch the bookshop ー when he'd come back he'd seem irritated, bothered, and guilty he stopped smiling purely and began showing false forced emotions.

"Where in the universe have you been Aziraphale! For sa- someone's sake, you tell me to look after your bloody stupid book shop without even letting me speak you get up and leave!"

"Crowley please now is not the time to be arguing!"

"Crowley please, Crowley no, Crowley this Crowley that what do you want Aziraphale!? Are you just using me do you hate me that much to the point of death!?"

"Yes! Yes I do..I hate you very much and I hate you being around me all the time, I hate that you're an alpha, and I most certainly hate your company now please! Leave!"

"...right.. See you around Beta, or not since it appears I sicken you."

Marching out the backroom and bookshop I had only one thing on my mind. 

**GETTING REALLY WASTED**. So doing something I'd been meaning to do,

"I really shouldn't but hell who's to keep track right?"

***

"Oi angel are you in here!? I got sssomething to say to ya' scalywagged ass phucken bullocked arse!"

"Cr-Crowley! You're drunk! and slurring your words my dear, what happened!?"

"I'm not drunk! I am Crowley! and I wub- beu- bwau? boo bu I want you to tell me what's going on,"

"Crowley..."

"I really do care for you so please.. what's happening?"

"Crowley...I-"

"You what Zira?"

"...Gabriel..W-when did you come here..?"

"Oh y'know stopping by for the daily job, and what is THAT thing doing here?"

"Now listen here-"

"No you listen here demon for the time being I will be using Aziraphale. Isn't that right sunshine?" 

"..."

"So lay off because this angel is mine." 

Him using the word mine for Aziraphale was enough to sober me up, and the haziness faded away. I could clearly see Gabriel with Aziraphale too close to him. Too close, too friendly, too intimate.

His smug look and Aziraphale's guilty look didn't help, neither did the fact of knowing how Gabriel never liked Azira until just now, what was even less helpful was knowing it couldn't have been because of his status, Aziraphale was a Beta after all.

"Well it seems my sunshine here is a little impatient so we'll be on our way see ya!"

"Wait Azira!- phale.."

As I flicked my tongue I could smell the lingering scent in the bookshop then it struck me.

"Aziraphale's scent.. It changed..." It seemed as crazy and impossibly possible but still..his usual minty licorice scent had gone, it was now a scent of honeyed? maybe butter? It was ineffably comforting and tempting it was...it is dangerous, too comforting, and wayyy too tempting.

All I could do is wait for his return hoping he would answer my questions, and hoping I could smell that scent again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ya'll theres this one bar of soap on @felt_good_soap on insta that is almost exactly how azira smells like and idkdinsndn hOOO BOY)


	3. Before the fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Aziraphales pov))

We left and Crowley's image had been burned inside my head. His look of desperation reaching a hand out towards me, it was too familiar, and too similar to how he was before...the fall.

* * *

Rumors and chatter was going around in heaven then, about the ArcAngels, and God.

"Aziraphale!"

"Hm? Oh, it's you Ca-! Castiel!" He gave me a tight big warm hug.

"It is pleasant to see you where have you been?!?"

"Oh y'know delivering messages but I'm free currently! And I thought hey I haven't seen my old pal Aziraphale in a while so I here I am!"

"Well this sure was a pleasant surprise Castiel. I sure do hope I don't trouble you at all though but tell me how have things been?"

"Oh, good good I'm a little bit chary in delivering Lucifers mail as long as a few other angels that shall go unnamed, I can't help but feel off put by it. Oh! Speaking of mail have you heard of the word going around!?"

"No? Not at all is it something serious? Has something heinous happened!?" I clutch a piece of my clothing.

"No no no not at all! Just that rumor has it God will be creating new beings! Humans they call it, and they're going to be choosing angels to be Guardians of them alongside the ArcAngels! Wouldn't that be an honor!?"

"Ah it would indeed but new beings? Humans? Doesn't her holiness still has the cosmos to finish completing? A new project should be a hassle, would else will she be making along with the humans?"

"Who knows but still joining forces with the ArcAngels to protect beings similar to us? Ahhh Maybe we could ask if there's a possible way to reach their status!"

"Now now Castiel you're dreaming too far-"

Then all of a sudden we hear a commotion, seeing angels gather around somewhere. Of course, confused, we follow along and find Lucifer on a platform.

He averred, "With God's new creations around God'll begin to neglect us, and will be more fond of them then usーbut with my plan we can have all of God's attention and God won't have to focus on them anymore! We can have all of God's attention even be equal's!"

He continued on in which I stopped listening. I was in the very back but he spoke so clearly, projecting his voice for all to hear and that's when it happened I heard his accented, deep-enough-to-melt-into voice whisper,

"He's rather peculiar, well his thoughts more like it. He might have a point though in God neglecting us, do you think they'd do such a thing, God I mean? What are your thoughts on this?"

"Well even if her holiness did neglect us the fact that she'd have us protect them must mean she remembers us, and well at least we've had her while we could. Shouldn't that be enough?"

I turn to look at him, his long curled bright red hair, pale white skin going along with his golden yellow eyes. 

I took a breath and smelt his scent. He wasn't radiating Alpha pheromones but it was a nice pure scent of ground cinnamon, a hint of lemongrass, with a dash of anise.

It was as if all my worries melted away once I smelt his scent.

"I-I'm sorry..I didn't catch your name," still in a daze I could feel my eye lids get heavier with every breath I take.

"Raphael, and you?"

"A-aziraphale.. It's an honor to be in your presence, Raphael."

"Oh no, the pleasures all mine Aziraphale."

"I..I don't know what to say...perhaps I could treat you to lunch?"

The words rolled off my tongue as if it was a natural thing to say.

"Oh? Well I'd love that very much hehe," he chuckled softly and I fell in love instantly.

\---

He was pushed off by Michael.. I looked over the edge and saw him reaching a hand for me with a look of desperation, his wings burning up turning as black as charcoal, his beautiful locks turning a deeper color of red, eyes becoming snake like before he disappeared. 

I wanted to fly down and catch him, bring him back up or just help but I couldn't he was gone.. and I knew that he wouldn't have been able to remember me after he opened his eyes again. 

Michael, Gabriel and Uriel left me to mourn, I knew there wasn't a reason for me to be upset but me knowing that didn't make the feeling go away.

* * *

"It's ahh~ r-rather interesting how versatile and obedient you can be Aziraphale~" he shoved my head down to his base cumming inside my mouth,

" I mean look at how wet you are! Then again you were made for this. How you feeling on the other end over there, Hastur?" 

"Magnificent! He's tight all around and gets tighter once you add a bit of pain." I could feel the heat rising and the burns from Hastur's cigarette's in my back.

"If this is all it took you to lose the weight I should have fucked you a long time ago!"

***

They switched positions after Hastur came in me, they kept me drugged and going all night, Hastur put his cigarette's out on me from time to time, leaving other marks along with Gabriel. My body didn't belong to me anymore.

I came back to the bookshop around 5 in the morning, and Crowley was there wide awake, trying to read a book, squinting so hard,eyes puffy it reminded me of back then too...

* * *

"Raphael? What are you doing here it's the middle of the night!"

"I came here to find you! C'mon I want to show you something!" 

The harsh yet soft whispers we shared along with the gentle giggles, two angels sneaking out the main house.

"Can I open my eyes now Raphael?"

"Wait! Not yet first lay down, it was difficult finding a spot that was a good enough view for this."

"For what exactly?" He moved my hands from covering my eyes, and I opened them and saw the starry sky he and Gabriel had been creating.

"You were the first one I wanted to show, well what do you think?"

"Oh..oh Raphael... I-it's beautiful.. ohhh this is very beautiful.."

"Well I thought so too, until I met you.." He looked at me and it took me a second to tear my eyes away from the stars to look at him.

"Raphael..."

"Aziraphale.." He caressed my face bringing me close, before kissing me gently. I kissed back in return, bringing him closer, letting my tongue slip into his mouth and explore. He pinned me down to the ground kissing me more, holding me gently, and running his hands through the robes on my back. I shivered with his every touch, drowning in the lust and heat, pheromones mixing.

I wrapped my legs around his waist he was thin, but strong and tall. I could feel myself melt into his touch with every stroke, and every slight caress of my wings, before I knew it a strange sound came out.

"Anhhaa~"

"A-Aziraphale!?" he looked at me blushing brightly.

"A-ahh I-I'm so sorry! Oh dear me I have no clue what that was! I-I'm an omega of course I should know but that's never happened before and I-"

"Aziraphale it's ok, really." He pecked my lips, "I don't want you to hold back any of your beautiful sweet sounds my love. I want to hear and know all of you ok?"

"mmh....o-okay.."

* * *

That night was full of cuddling, kissing and talking. It was blissful.. What I didn't know was that, that haven would soon end, it still haunts me and keeps me wide awake thinking I should have been more careful and more cautious. Maybe then he wouldn't have.....

-

So many thoughts running through my head but I managed to speak out,

"Still a demon?"out of all the things I could have said I said still a demon.

"The bloody fuck am I supposed to be? One of the 3 little piglets? What kind of question is...that..Aziraphale,"

"Hi Cro- Oh!"

"Aziraphale I thought you, you were going to die again, I thought that you..I don't know! I'm just so..." He took a big whiff, turning into his snake form flicking his tongue before finally turning back. The same look of despair and a hint of something else.

"Gabriel and..and Hastur!? Did..Did they do this to you!? Is that why you've avoided eating and other activities you took part in!?Aziraphale... How could you not tell me!?"

"Because it wasn't your issue and I don't want to see you get hurt!"

"Oh angel, I'll only say this once and once only, I Anthony J. Crowley am only hurt when they hurt you Aziraphale! To bloody hell with me I'm already damned but you are still pure!"

"I'm not pure... I never was and certainly am not now."

"Angel listen, you are the purest, most kindest, stupidest yet clever angel I've ever met and I'm not letting you go not when we've come this far together."

"Crowley....I'm sorry.." I began to cry as if there was anything else to do. I cried then calmed down before Crowley set me down and had me talking, I told him what had happened. Everything. He listened though I could tell it was hard for him too, then he helped me shower and get everything out of me, then he showered me with holy water. It was funny he wore a contamination suit and all but it was still thoughtful.

"Thank you Crowley..Really thank you."

He handed me cocoa, we had retreated back to his flat and closed the bookshop, he gave me some liquid Advil to help with my headache.

I drank the cocoa before falling asleep.

"Goodnight Aziraphale.." The last words I heard before drifting into a deep slumber.

***

3 Months have passed since that night, and I wished that I was able to say things got better, though they didn't.

For a couple of weeks Crowley wouldn't let me go back to my shop and would try and keep me at his flat, Of course I argued I had a job and that I had to manage the bookshop. 

Gabriel would still seek and how he says 'ravish' me a long while, showing me off to more and more audiences. It got to the point that I had have made love to almost about every angel in heaven along with some demons in hell. For him I just 'became funner to play with' and more exciting.

Gabriel would come at the very unexpected moments or moments Crowley wasn't around just to toy, or tease me in a way. 

It went from being by myself whilst he went to pick our lunch up quickly, and Gabriel pleasuring himself with my mouth. To organizing a book on the shelf, him appearing slipping his fingers, sometimes hand into my pants. To now full blown putting vibrators in me, turned on to it's max while having some cock ring, and sitting it walking.

I'm his experiment, his pet, a toy.. I was worse then a demon, worse than anything for that matter.

Today was a certain special day. Me and Crowley had known each other for over 6000 years, but me? More then that...longer. It marked our official day mark of it becoming a new year and it being another year of being friends. It was like our anniversary in a way. 

It had been early morning and we were planning to go for a swim, since it'd been hot the past couple of days. I went to get us cold drinks.

"Why heavens, what delightful surprise! How'd you know I was fixing for a drink? Oh don't tell me you're a magician!?"

"Well, I'm not really a magician but I'm pretty magical in bed, what about you angel cakes?" She winked, and I could tell she was a beta.

Beta's weren't normally seen around, they weren't rare but really weren't y'know, there.

They had a specific peculiar scent to them. A sent of comforting, and longing. Similar to a picture or music, She smelt like nice calming ocean waved at sunset hitting against the sand, and cuddling together. It was an alluring but over all nice scent, like good nature and natural body water with sunscreen.

Faking my brightest smile and emotions (which I've gotten better at doing) I take the drinks before saying, " Thank you, but I'm sure my lover wouldn't love that, plus," I walk off.

"Don't touch the merchandise unless you can afford it." I speed walked to our spots after hearing a hissing sound and a bunch of jeering from the people at the small bar.

As I sat carefully under the umbrella, I could see Crowley fully layed out in his snake form. We decided (mostly me) not to be gathered at a local area because of,,, well,, this situation.

"Enjoying yourself dear?"

"Veryyy much sssso" He flicked his tongue slithering around.

"Good," I drank my strawberry smoothie, there was a flavor Im sure had either been implanted recently or something similar. A flavor and taste I'd have known too well, the flavor of lust inducing liquid mixed with pills.

"Oh fiddlesticks!"

"Everything alright Angel?"

"Ah yes yes yes! Why wouldn't everything be alright!? Everything is fine I just uh happened to forget something in your Bentley, don't worry though! It's tickety-boo I'll just go and fetch it!"

"Yessss alright be careful,"

"I will, and you be careful as well there might be crabs in the sand!" I quickly made my way to where the bathrooms were going into a stall attempting to puke out the smoothie before it was digested.

Maybe it was because I wasn't a good speed walker, or because I'm an angel, perhaps it was just the long distance from where we were to the bathroom, I had got there too late and it had already been digested.

I could feel my body burning up and laying against the cold wall on the wet floor didn't help. It felt stronger and more unpleasant then what I've been drugged with before, and I was sure everyone could smell my pheromones.

They did and I could tell that from how some kids and others fled the scene quickly covering their mouths and noses, while others started opening the stall door and crowding around. All had different dick sizes I could tell from a look and their raging bulging hard ons.

"Well would you look at that, the little omega from the bar all in heat begging for dick!" he stepped on my crotch rubbing it with his foot gently. "Filthy slut you'll be our toilet! We'll take good care of you~" He licked his lips, picking me up and setting me down somewhere where I was public display.

It began. 

They started with the first guy, a buff tall guy who looked like he could eat me if he wanted to, took his dick out rubbing it.

I'm not one to care for size, since I did tend to.. I wouldn't call it sleeping around per say, it's more of just helping each other relax in our times of need, with well..

William Shakespeare, Howard P. Lovecraft, Homerus, Emily Dickinson, Antoine Caréme, Frida Kahlo, and Kitagawa Utamaro... that's about only a few I can name at the top of my head. 

Their mouths, and hands worked wonders, they had splendid personalities, and were great to be around, though some were rather distant and cold and sometimes easily angered but they were splendid overall! 7-(atleast)8 on a good day 9 inches and the females all felt great.

The buff guy, let's call him Jason, lifted me pushing me down on his member. Before another buff guy, (lets say his name is Raul) joined and pushed his member inside of me. I could feel my tears flowing through gritted teeth.

It felt more disgusting and awful yet pleasuring in a heinous twisted way, probably the work of the drugs. It had my stomach feeling sick an unfamiliar feeling of illness, disgust, and dizziness. I felt drunk with the biggest headache as if I could puke it out.

The other soon joined in by having me rub their members with my feet and hands, one thing I would never allow was for someone to kiss my lips, because if someone was going to do it, it'd have to be someone I trust someone like...

all of a sudden it all comes flowing back..,,

* * *

It was late, me and Raphael had been meeting up every night and time we were available. There was no need for us to really consume anything, but we did it because it made us feel a little more. It was always the same excuse 'let's meet for lunch'. Excuse is an overstatement.

"So Raphael what did you want to discuss? It's awfully late for us to be in the garden." I took notice to the only fully bloomed white rose, a bug resting at its center. I picked it up letting it roam in my hand turning back to face Raphael.

"Well I've been thinking, it's part of my job y'know to think and help give ideas to what god shall create to help her new world. Anyway I've been thinking about life, about heaven, about the other angels, and I've been thinking about you.."

"W-..whatever do you mean?" I felt myself blush.

"I've thought about us, and my feelings towards you. I thought about how you make me feel."

"R-right and that is..?"

"Aziraphale..We are angels, beings of love. Of course we feel love and all because we were created to but for once I actually feel love... and that's towards you. Your smile, the way you laugh or pout. The way you seem like you genuinely enjoy everything and everyone and are almost always honest as well as speak your mind. Those are the things, those are the parts that make me feel love towards you. I don't expect you to express the same love but even if you don't feel the same way I want to at least continue being your friend.." He was visibly shaking, and looked scared.

I came closer towards him staring slightly up to meet his eyes, "I'm sorry we can't be friends,"

He tensed up more and just as he opened his mouth to speak I said, "Because I want to ruin our friendship, and really be lovers instead." I intertwined our fingers holding his hand. He closed the space between us and gave me a gentle yet passionate kiss, I returned it.

He pulled back, jumping slightly.

"Is something the matter?"

"No, but look! All the buds are abloom 'Ziraphale!"

I turned to look," Oh my, What pretty little light bugs as well!"He picked me and and twirled me around laughing like a fool. 

Until we both fell onto the grass exchanging kisses before heading back.

* * *

As one of them tried to kiss me I gave a death stare. Soon they were all backing out after finishing up quickly, I cleaned myself up before heading back to our spot.

"Ssso did you find it?" Crowley was in his human form under the umbrella.

"No, sadly not but I did find something better just now."

"And that is?"

I show him what was behind my back, "Oh look Crowley! It's called a hermit crab!"

"Yes I know what it's called but where'd you get it?"

"At one of the shops, Oh and I've decided to name him Wiggly!"

"Wiggly.. huh has a ring to it, I suppose."

"Mm yes, Would you mind if I kept him at your flat? Until theres at least some room in my shop for her? Please" 

"Hmm, Yeah..sure I suppose so but I'll warn you right now, I'm not that great at caring for animals-"

"Oh why thank you Crowley! Let's get dinner, my treat."

"Wow angel feeling good today?"

"On cloud nine !"

We miracle our things back home going to one of the restaurants by the many shops and bars, before heading back to our respective places to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Ahhhh I finally finisshhhh))


	4. War.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Aziraphale's pov))

I love books, they distract you from every worry. Provide you with a good story, problem, or solution. They have beautiful messages, and are a wondrous world of their own undisturbed, nothing we do can kill that magic in them.

I always thought maybe life is like a book, it's problems with solutions even if the solution could be relaxing or leaving everything behind, theres always a solution. For angels it's a bit different...We.. were created to have a purpose and to serve it, always doing something, never really exploring enough or thinking for ourselves. A life never-ending that if you made a grave mistake you'd were sentenced to death.. And that was easy.

That's only on this heaven..Or so I believe, though I do hope the heavens on the other countries have a better outcome, that they protected and still punished the angels dutifully. I hoped overall that the sections of heaven god made were still alright, a long with my long dear friend...Castiel..Did he stay the same ? Kind, sweet, happy but hard working and serious?

This brought up nothing but memories of **him**. ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

* * *

Heaven before..Earth... Before everything began to downfall.

-

"Aziraphale, angel of helping harvest, what is it you've come to speak to the almighty above about?"

"W-well I've come to say that as more days pass by the more um.. a fellow angel gets more doubtful in her almighty and encourages a war go on to see who umm.. who's more capable, and such.."

"So I've heard.. hm....I suppose this is something worth mentioning to god, very well then thank you for reporting this back to me. Any more information you may receive towards who joins the rebellion inform me in. Ah, also Aziraphale what's the name of the angel in charge of this?"

"um.. their name is Lucifer, the angel of bringing light.."

"Right of course yes, well off to your duties then."

"Yes, Thank you."

Walking off I couldn't help but think what if Castiel, or Raphael fell and followed Lucifer ? What would, and could happen maybe I shouldn't have told him, maybe it'll be alright. Maybe.. yeah no it'll be ok I trust Castiel and Raphael won't fall..they just can't.

"Aziraphale!"

"Oh d-dear! R-Raphael?!? What appears to be the matter?"

"Well I've been saying your name for a while and you hadn't responded, also we're going to look at the garden of the creatures! We can tend to one if you'd like or just make our own, so what do you say?"

"Oh why of course, I suppose the garden will be the lunch meeting? hehe" a soft chuckle escapes my mouth along with a blush.

"Of course my dear angel, now shall we?" He held out his hand towards me, I took it and we flew off towards the garden of creatures in the small cage section of heaven.

Once we got close enough to see some of the creatures I could already tell how wondrous they were going to be, but judging from the size of the place it might have been far too many to count. We (me and scrumptious re-.. Raphael of course) stepped onto the cloud ground and slipped through a hidden door far from the main entrance and slipped inside.

"Ah...Oh..This is just magnificent... Raphael are you seeing this? These plants are so bright and full of life, so green and- Oh! Hello there little friend!" I carefully pick up the bird, " Raphael dear, do tell me what's the orange spot right on it's...neck?"

" It's how the bird was designed Zira, each bird is unique and different and it's only the males of those birds that have the..orange spot." When he said orange he sounded semi-confused.

"Ah I see," I pet the bird gently before placing it back on its place," Well, what other extravagant creatures are there? Any other winged creatures similar to us?"

"Aziraphale the next creature I'd love to show you is my favorite one! Well One of my favorite ones and I think you're going to love it!" He excitedly speed walks jumping a bit, his curls looking as if they were orange or pink in the light.

Being lead by Raphael into the creature garden was a dream come true.

There had been rumors of a secret garden no one knew of, that the ArcAngels were assigned to work on. Raphael only told me while on our lunch meetings that it had involved new creatures, beings similar to us yet so different and complex. They hadn't decided or finished the naming of the creatures yet or finished creating some of them but they were doing their best to complete it.

They were also assigned to a new project by god, who told us all that we needed to help in and by then we all promised to complete that task. It was about earth, her holiness appointed me as Guardian Of The Garden Of Eden, Castiel was then casted to a different part of heaven along with several many other angels, thus heaven became divided into different sections preparing for the new creations about to happen.

-

We past by several more birds, one that interested me was a big white one, with out-lining around its face to its beak, it hoo'ed a lot, then we finally arrived out of the green places and entered into a new place of sand.

We walked further before he turned to me and said excitedly," Here! It's here! Wait here and I'll go retrieve it! It's gorgeous!"

He flew over somewhere in front of us kneeling before coming back over.

"So what do you think? It slithers around on its body so it doesn't need limbs!"

"It's beautiful Raphael, what's it's name?"

"Snake, heh it can promote life and healing."

"Oh? It seems wonderful, really Raphy.." as I lean in for a kiss he says

"Wait, Raphy!? Aziraphale did you just call me Raphy!?"

"N-no! I said um Heavenly! You're really heavenly!"

"No you didn't but that's alright Azi-"

"Don't call me that-"

"Because! I'll remember it and cherish it, and because I love you." He kisses my lips gently yet deeply pinning me up against a tree, slipping his tongue into my mouth curling, touching, and sucking mine. He draws back a bit before kissing my neck, lifting me against the tree squeezing my thighs.

I wrap my legs around his waist feeling his lips, teeth, and tongue press against my skin. The feeling travels up reaching my ear, I couldn't help but let out a noise,

"Nnh~ R-Raphaelll~"

I could feel him smirk against my skin, pulling back a bit "I need you to try and make an effort on creating something on your body, so we both feel good Zira."

I nod," ok.. but what is it supposed to look like?" He lifts up his cloth showing a..his rod, I could feel myself turn red knowing it probably wasn't an ok thing to show. I make an effort in creating it before showing it to Raphael.

"L-like this?"

"Perfect." He begins to rub his rod against me, rubbing them both. A new sensation I haven't felt seemed so scary but it felt so good! I felt more noises escape my mouth feeling myself call out to Raphael and something new appear that dripped a type of liquid.

"R-raphael~ T-there's something weird happening and it's so strange and new and not this.." I pointed to our rods, then he set me to the ground.

"What is it? Are you in pain?"

I shake my head before turning around lifting my cloth," It's something there.. it feels weird and its dripping something!"

"Hmm.. What if I.." 

And all of a sudden a jolt went through my back up to my wings and I could find myself shivering as they extend. 

"Ahh!~" Before I could compose myself properly it happened again another jolt before it finally started moving, slow but hard movements that felt like I was going to melt or just fly away. It felt unheavenly it was too good to be heavenly too good I craved more. I could feel Raphael throb in me, moving more his rod churning inside me, 

"Ah ah Az-Aziraphale I'm going t-to-!~" I kissed him before releasing a liquid through my rod feeling his rod thrust inside me staying there filling me up as well. "haa..ha I love you Raphael.."

"I love you too Aziraphale.." Both out of breath we stayed there for a bit waiting for the moment to pass, eventually after a long while it did.

Moments later God announced to us all we'd be given rankings along with some new parts it would all be sent to us personally so our privacy wouldn't be invaded, I then spoke with her.

"Um your holiness why'd you ask to speak with me directly..?"

"Aziraphale caretaker of the garden, angel of the first heaven, I want you to know I am god, I don't play games and I am always doing something to help, to evolve this place and everywhere else."

"Yes but that doesn't-"

"Aziraphale there will come a time I can no longer directly speak to you, and a time everything will change. There will be many possibilities and most of them don't have a good outcome, what I mean is be careful, choose your rank wisely."

All I could manage was a nod.

"Good, now you're dismissed."

I walked, tending to the garden at the sacred house, soon the night settled in and Raphael took me away. 

"So you remember Lucifer right Aziraphale?"

"Y-yes I do..Lucifer if I may ask, What's your rank? Your name signifies light so are you a Dominion? Perhaps Seraphim?"

"Haha you're funny Aziraphale I like that in an angel~" He winked before getting up walking around me," Yeah, I'm a Dominion, I'm guessing you're Principality?"

"W-well yes but hopefully I'll be an ArcAngel someday as well, y'know rise up on the good ol' hierarchy heh." 

"Yeah yeah I totally understand see your pal Raph' here talks about you all the time!"

"He does?"

"Luce-"

"Yeah! He does, he's always like Aziraphale is so good! He's kind never hurts anyone or thing! Aziraphale did this Aziraphale did that he helped me name this he helped me in that yatta yatta yatta."

I felt him close to me as if I were his prey and he were sizing me up, I could feel the stares of the other angels as I tried to face Lucifer who kept moving about before finally looking at me closely, my lifting my chin,

"So this is the famous Principality Aziraphale..I wonder what would happen if I did this.."

"Hm? Did wha-"

He kissed me gently holding me so I couldn't move, as he tried to deepen he suddenly moved and thats when I opened my eyes to feel a familiar embrace,"Raphael?"

"Don't ever touch my angel again Lucifer!" He barked out through gritted teeth, "He's my love! Get your own!" He kissed me deeply picking me up before flying away with me laying in his arms.

"R-Raphael..?" I reached up to stroke his face, as soon as I did I lulled him into comfort. He stopped frowning and began falling so I went to our secret island cradling him before setting him down.

"You ok?.. "

"Yeah.. Just grew red at the sight of you with another angel....sorry.."

"Don't be it's ok, you stuck up for me to your friend, that was very nice of you, even if you did hurt him."

He let out a soft chuckle before sighing.

"So,,, um did you say I was different?"

"Yeah...So, lately I've been thinking. About heaven, time, god, and..us."

"And you haven't before?"

"Of course not haha, when would I have ever?"

"I'm so sorry.."

"No no don't be,"

"But now you'll think forever! And question things forever! What if they knew you had questions, and your faith was wavering!? They'd banish you Raphael!"

I hold his hand, "I don't want that.. but I want you."

"Well what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well you obviously think too how else would you be able to say what you just said heh,"

"Then lets think and stay together I doubt they'll just banish us, It'll be just us fighting together when the war comes.."

"When the war comes..."

* * *

Over the course of many countless nights and days heaven slowed down, everyone began to become paranoid as god made an announcement that the ArcAngels would be in a way culling other angels, but in this culling it would be the angels who seem and are destined to fall, because of the new regulations I haven't been able to have 'lunch' with Raphael as often as we used to.

"It isn't right Raphael! You can't just go and kick everyone over the edge because you speculate they'll fall! What if they have a special love too!? What if it were me..? Would you even care..?"

"Aziraphale you know I would angel but I don't have a say in that manner! I've been asking god directly about some of my thoughts..I've been questioning her directly.."

"Raph..no..."

"Yeah.. Soon they'll find out and kick me out too, but it's fine because we'll still find a way to see each other!"

"Raphael.. W-we can think of something! Make our own heaven or hell make something not exactly it but not exactly not it! We can make a new earth a-a- Something! We can make our own side! We wouldn't have to fight each other! We could just be us!"

"Aziraphale...."

"I-I know I know it seems so silly and stupid but hear me out it'll be a good plan because-"

"Azirapha-"

"Because! We'll collect angels and maybe fallen's to join our side! We can be united strict but not too strict we can be together aga-"

"Aziraphale!"

"-in...y-yes Raphael.. Dear? Is something the matter?"

"Y-yeah there is..look angel we have to talk..."

"Y-yeah absolutely whats the matter dear?" We had been standing on our island, I was the only one pacing back and forth, but I only did stop and grew more nervous when he spoke.

It was silent,dark, yet windy. The day started fading into dark, coloring the sky a pinkish multi-color hue.

"Aziraphale.. We shouldn't be together...We shouldn't see, talk or think of each other anymore..We shouldn't think anymore."

"I..I don't understand what's wrong? Is it me? I can fall if you want me to, I can change! I can be more important! If it's because I'm too soft I can harden up! I- I can change for you!"

"No, no angel it's not you it really isn't but I think it'd be better for us to be separate.."

Silence. I hated it at that time, maybe I always loathed it. Silence. Feelings. As if my faith in him, in everything, my hope, my..love has all of a sudden fallen. Like my wings were plucked off my back, like something in me sunk, as if I were the only star in the dark drowning in the void.

"Aziraphale..as my, maybe our single last final thought could be for us to be happy and hopefully fight in the war together.."

Silence. God, I hated it. The more he spoke the more I ached, my eyes burning, head hurting, chest tight. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying, dead silence with a ringing noise as I hid behind a poker face last thing I hear from his moving lips is,

"Bye Aziraphale.."

He took flight then. Every moment, from the moment of my creation to this exact moment, I wouldn't have ever imagined, or have thought that I'd think or maybe want or feel. More than anything I was ready for a war, and to cease existing.

Silence. The beautiful scenery of the sky changing colors. The breeze and my feelings overflowing along with my tears.. Wet droplets of my eyes streaming down my face, every blink adding more and more.

Screaming. Loudness, Noise, Messiness, and Self-hatred.

Raphael..I'll see you on the other side of the war....

********************

Lucifers lot grew bigger, more angels fell the more fell, the colder I grew.

The Earth project was still on hold, it was never made, Earth that is. Time grew and grew and grew.

Never ending I almost had completely forgotten of Raphael but how could I forget the angel who made me live in a dream.. the angel who was.. is my dream.

**************************

Lately we all have been training, preparing for war, chatter has gone down.

Silence. Screams. Preparation. Work. Repeat.

Of course.. We're angels.. thats our purpose to have and to ser-

"ANGEL AZIRAPHALE! DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID!?"

"I-I'm sorry...I didn't quite he-"

"STOP FOOLING AROUND AND GET BACK TO TRAINING WHAT WERE YOU DOING THINKING!?"

I manage a soft whisper of a yes, and he looks at me horrified, before passing me saying in a deep rumbling voice to meet him at the edge after training.

-

"H-hello..? Any angel here? Sergeant..?"

"Aziraphale.." I gulp.

"M-Michael! What a pleasure to see you here, and everyone else as well! Gabriel, Uriel...Raphael." I force a smile,

"What brings you 4 here?I mean of course this is heaven it's where angels reside and such along with- anyhow!Have you seen The Sergeant? He wanted to converse with me I haven't a clue as to why though."

They moved aside to reveal him standing confidently angry looking as ever.

"Angel Aziraphale it has come to our attention that you're er.."

"Zira'.. I-I mean Aziraphale it seems that from evidence from anonymous unnamed angels and visual evidence it appears you are and have been thinking, and you have been acting as..a fallen. Therefore we must-"

"Kick you out of heaven! Aw so sad haha now go on walk off into hell go on." 

"I'm sorry but there must be a mistake I don't think this sho-"

"Ah there it is visual proof! And so easily displayed in front of us wow," Gabriel started clapping slowly, "Well Aziraphale thinking isn't your job, your job is to follow orders without question so hurry up and get over the cliff since you obviously failed being an angel, bye bye!" he waved and shooed me.

I take a few steps closer to the edge looking down. It looks easy to fall into, Easy yet difficult. All of a sudden the sirens began blaring.

The war was commencing.

All of a sudden as I watch a swarm of angels head our way and the appalled, mad, confusing look on the Arc Angel's faces Gabriel pushes me over the edge.

"Wait-!"

The last thing I hear from him before in a swift motion I'm laying on the ground of clouds..

"Wh-..?" 

I look around quickly before peering over the edge seeing Raphael fall his wings darkening becoming engulfed in the void of darkness and fire I can only see him mouth, 'Goodbye'. 

The tears build up along with so many emotions. The sirens blared loudly but yet everything seemed so quiet.

Silence.

Shoving. Pushing. Wings flapping. White. Black. The Fall.

"Aziraphale look out!"

The sound and impact of the swords, we were only a few feet above the cloud grounds.

"Go back from where you were foul beast!" 

With a clash and a kick, I hesitate before striking my sword and cutting the demon's head clean off. Blood gushing out the pool of black blood tainting the cloud. 

The gunfire began, guns firing angels and demons fighting, then I spotted one of the garden angel's that worked with me struggling.

I stopped hesitating I took my emotions, my frustration out on our enemies. It would be ok since they were meant to be destroyed by us. 

I lost count of how many angels and demons were killed dropping dead like the lightning bugs.

In a swift movement an angel.. no a demon dark burnt red hair a bit darker than his..Like Raphael...The face was too familiar too similar for it to be a coincidence, but his eyes looked more..unique, beautiful and enchanting. 

With quick, lucid movements he managed to strike me at my thigh, as I winced hesitating again, he pierced through the side of my abdomen.

"Ngh!...Crawly slithering bastard- fuck you Raphael!"

Maybe it was what I said or the fact that I called his name out that managed to distract him long enough for me to stab through his chest.

As I did that holding my wound seeing the black but fairly red blood leak out all the demons soon began to disappear in a puff of ash and smoke.

"I-Is it over?"

"No.. This is still only the beginning and soon..hopefully very soon we'll have a second war to finally defeat them."

I look at my blood covered hand, thigh, and sword.

...

["Aziraphale! Haha try and catch me!",

"Angel..You're brighter than any star, angel, or god. I love you.",

" 'Zira! Come look at this creature!"

"Azira.. We'll get through this together."]

...

Yeah.. I'll see you on the other side of the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its like 1:40 in the morning and I've procrastinated writing this chapter, but I was feeling angsty so here ya go, not my best or worst.ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ


	5. You don't fool me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Crowley's pov//

> "You don't fool me those pretty eyes  
>  That sexy smile you don't fool me, uh  
>  You don't rule me you're no surprise  
>  You're telling lies hey, you don't fool me  
>  Mmm, mama said be careful of that-"

I slam my car door shut, walking into my flat I had several things on my mind, first being Aziraphale. The second being getting higher than yesterday, third was sorry Freddie Mercury for cutting out your voice mid start of song and because I'm about to go real hard on sinning.

I had took well more like stolen an item from Aziraphale's book shop. It was surprising how big it was and well hidden he kept certain things, you would think as an angel he didn't sleep but hoo boy does he hate when you wake him from his beauty sleep.

I get the spray bottle going to the plants room carefully holding and spraying my plants with water, making sure they're bright stand tall and up. 

" No one's slouching today, I'm guessing the small sacrifice of your dying..well dead friend inspired you to grow.." I walk around spraying them again before turning to look, "Are..You drooping!? What have I said!?"

I walk close to the plant, " Have you not heard a single word I've said!? I- We!- You have to be perfect for A- For everyone! You can't stop or let them down!Are you trying to curse everyone else here!? For bloody sake you're pathetic!" 

I take a breath and a moment to collect myself,"sighhh well look at you now you cant stay if I were to give you a free pass I'd have to give everyone one wouldn't I? And I- We ~~~~don't want the others looking down on you."

I pick up the plant gently walking to the back room placing it gently down making loud gruesome plant noises making a pot similar to the plant with some dirt I bring it out showing the plants. 

"Remember to not slouch and be perfect you can't break character for even a millisecond!" 

I walk back setting the new fallen plant next to last weeks plant. I stroke the leaves gently, feeling myself soften and ache inside.

"I know you must have been so scared, but you knew it was going to happen. Don't worry though you won't be hurt or die you made a mistake like w- they all did your friends I mean, and thats ok mistakes happen just don't break down because of it and even when you feel like your slacking just know you aren't because I know you're trying your best.."

I take a moment to get on my knees and rub the lower leaves in a circular motion, " I'm sorry for yelling at you but the world isn't easy, hell is expecting you to do your job good enough and since all you remember from being an angel is the feeling of everyones expectations weighing you down it's always going to be hard..I can't say it'll get better, but you'll find someone who makes it worth it.. just don't make the mistake of letting them slip through and close themself off from you again."

I walk back to my room laying down stroking one of my bonzai tree's little branch, I could feel my eyes burning with the familiar wetness I'd feel each night.

As soon as I place my glasses aside the tears start flowing in streaming down my cheeks. The wet warm tears don't stop spilling out no matter how much I wipe them away which only makes them worse. Soon enough the feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and winter floods in as well.

It had happened many times before. The sadness, heart ache, and feeling of just hurt.

Aziraphale is an angel, he isn't one to lie or sin he's a dork who loves books and has a shitty boss he loves food and has a penchant for drinking alcohol only if it'll get him wasted and is a slow eater. He's a beta... or at least I thought he was.

Aziraphale the angel who lies, the angel who smiles away his pain, the angel I fell in love with.. The angel who's trapped in a situation he can't bear to be in and the angel who's constantly overwhelmed with emotions and situations.. Aziraphale principality.

I remove my clothes drawing the blade I hid in between my mattress. I take out the needle too along with the rubber thing to tighten my arm with.

I start to make slow but deep cuts on my skin, I squeeze out the blood staring at it.

"We share the same blood as an animal so why do we matter more than them?"

I have to be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn the power of man.. I have to be flawless.

I begin marking my other arm, the scars healing but being cut again never really healing new marks forming the sting of the blade, but my mind thinking it's ok and that I deserve it. I'm right, I know deep inside mo matter how much I push the though away I know that deep down it's my fault Aziraphale's ever been in trouble, all of it is my fault. I am my own undoing and nothing could convince me I'm not. — Maybe Aziraphale see's that and only hangs around because he pities me, hell I pity myself, he's probably tired of me always bothering him. I shouldn't even exist if I think about it. I was created and for what? to serve a purpose to serve others higher than me. Look how good I fucked that up, the one job I was ever given to fuck shit up, I happened to fuck up. The one job I'd have been given as an angel obey orders, I fucked that up so good.

Maybe I'm good at fucking up since I do it all the time.

The thoughts began becoming too much.. too much, to handle, to feel, to think, and hear.

I take the rubber thing tying it on my arm before injecting myself. I lay back letting the drug kick in.

"ah..."

Everything in an instant felt good, like a dream, blurry but a good lost. As if I were in the safest greatest place of euphoria to exist. Floating. I hear my phone vibrate to life and Waste you by Cigarette begins to play. 

I curl up cuddling my body pillow holding it tight as if I were to let go for even a second it would disappear or maybe I'd fly away.

Everything feel good extreme euphoria pleasure and soothing.

* * *

&@%#*£!

..huh...?

!?**#%!

That's..my name...

R^%#*¥!

Familiar..voice...?

R@&$€?!

Azira..ph-

Before I know I wake up in a cold sweat and out of breath.

"haa..haa...Aziraphale....."

I look at my arm taking the syringe out and the blue thin strap thing off tucking the items back between the mattress.

I open the drawer on my bed side taking a bottle of pills downing one before placing it back. I drink some water and put on a movie.

I flap my hands for a bit trying to get my anxiety out, taking deep breathes I pace around a bit. Finally I crawl up in a corner tears falling down once again.

Silence. Pain. Isolation.

The three main things in the room, I try yelling loudly I could feel my throat hurt from it as well as my lungs lose air but no sound to be heard. 

Silence. Pain. 

Two things I've dealt with all my life the pain from the blade, the emotions and the mental scars that won't seem to heal because another wound overlaps the last making it deeper and harder to heal.

Silence.

A thing I'll enjoy from time to time, but hate all the time. Silence, peace and warmth is pleasant but it stops being pleasant when you're left to think for centuries.Expecting something to come and ruin it again..Nothing but you and your thoughts with enough time to see all your flaws and errors.

The worst thing of the three.. Silence.

Back then I tried to stay away from people after Mercury's death.. I knew who did it who cursed him with such a twisted faith. I knew it as soon as I reported back to hell the smirk on Ligur and Hastur's face, looking over me as if they were killing me, as if they had just spit down my throat and killed my celestial being. 

They did, They killed me well a very important part of me, my best friend the one sole person who had made everything worth it everything great, the one person who I looked up to and loved deeply, who I knew I'd do anything for and knew I'd want to spend my life with.

It seemed so fake yet so real, happiness, a feeling of bliss for a demon like he repented died and finally went back to heaven. Freddy gave me that feeling and hope..but I guess all fairytales come to an end.

I remember being at his side in his final days it seems so vivid and fresh in my memory as if it had happened just a few moments ago..Farrokh Bulsara said he had wrote cool cat about me I refused to believe it since it was obvious who was the cooler one out of us both.

For a while I forgot about Aziraphale yet I didn't I knew he existed but didn't give a second thought about it. 

I remember crying, I probably did. That was possibly the first time in years I'd ever left my plants to die.

Possibly one of the times I started using, hoping I would or could discorporate just to be with him. Sometimes I do wonder what he would think if he saw me.. He'd probably be disappointed, I know I am. 

Failure of saving him and failure of doing the easiest thing ever, following orders.

and for the first time in forever it was silent..Blasting queen didn't help much since it was his.

If I could turn time back I would have at least told him how I felt..guess that's too late now since, he's gone...

In the mean time dream seemed like the best answer to dealing with everything since everything would stop moving, stop it's motion. Nothing would matter, not to me at least since I'd be asleep.

In the mean time I'll do that..Sleep..

..show must go on....


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((Hastur POV))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ///short chapter//

It wasn't supposed to be this way...

I thought it had been enough when me and Ligur had implanted the mortal with a disease, we thought it had been enough to hurt him, break him. We were wrong..

No, we weren't wrong, I was. He destroyed Ligur in front of my eyes, nothing could bring him back.— I thought that maybe it was time to just end it. To stop trying and give up since he already took away the one demon I was comfortable around the one I trusted, the one I..

Then Gabriel approached me. Of course I had my suspicions since it was unheard of, for a demon to be with the likes of an angel. To work as not higher than the other but on equal footing. Absurd.

Then I saw and felt why.

He had wanted to share the most magnificant experience with me, the experience of taking an omega angel without it fighting back. From there things went not according to plan.

It's as if he were still sucking me off, as if he craved me, which had brought out the worst thoughts.

I want to have him sustain off of my cum alone and want nothing but it, to make him into my personal cocksleeve and use you whenever I even get semi-hard.

I'd love to suck on his tits to the point the nipples are sore. I want for me to thrust inside him so hard that he indirectly gets a bigger ass the more I fuck him, I want to try every imaginable position that ends with Aziraphale guzzling liter upon liter of my cum.

Aziraphale, an angel who can stand the heat and who can take it good like a bitch.

Aziraphale the principality, demon Crowley's most prized possesion. Finally I see why, but what I don't see is why he wouldn't use his tight little ass for himself?

I could just imagine the amount of teasing he would go through each day. I wouldn't let him do it to me, I'd fuck him whenever I got the chance, or whenever he even slightly tried to tease me. 

I bet he's just demanding for a good cock to be shoved inside of him right now, an omega's dream is to be fucked by me.

\------------------*

I'm normally against fraternizing with angels but if it were to steal and have Aziraphale all for myself that's a risk I'm willing to take.

"Hello Michael," I put on my best smile.

"Demon Hastur..and Where's your partner? Ligur I mean..?"

"Death by holy water from the demon Crowley, I suppose you two were close?"

"....My condolences, now what is it you wish to meet with me about? I haven't much time so it'd be pleasant if you would as so much as skip the small talk and get right to the point."

"Yes, well I suppose you are right. The favor I require of you isn't an easy one but it isn't exactly a difficult one either. I need you to keep the demon Crowley asleep, or at the very least away."

"Oh? May I be as so privileged to know why?"

"No, that isn't anywhere you should stick your nose into unless you want the most absolute horrid death for angels by hell, is that clear!?"

She flinched taking a few steps back before nodding, she had the same look on her face as she did during the trial, a look of horror and confusion.

She didn't press the subject so I suppose I can somewhat confide in her, what bugs me now is how did she know Ligur and what was their relationship..?

but soon enough Aziraphale would be mine.. all mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @ao3  
> Bitch.


	7. I wish I had more time...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //Aziraphale's pov//

I stand a distance away from him, a distance safe enough to stand. Nothing was ever really safe though and he had proved that to me.

"You really can't trust anyone..I should have listened, or stayed away when I had the chance, but you wouldn't have given me that chance would you?"

Silence.

"So now you just won't talk!? After all these years of babbling and talking and bragging now you refuse to speak!? hahaha..funny."

"Nobody will save you Aziraphale. No one can undo what I did, hell you should be so goddamn fucking lucky and happy you even get a scar from me."

I flinch taking a step back feeling his presence tower over me.

"You're worthless, no one will ever want you! You're the one to blame the one at fault who made this ugly! You can scream all you want Aziraphale but no one will come save you not even your god, because even she abandoned you."

"Y-you don't have to do this please..I'll do anything just please don't hurt me."

"You deserve it."

"Please just put the bat down! Stay Away! D-don't hurt me!!! PLEASE!"

It comes swinging down on my legs, I let out a scream of pure agony feeling the metal bat hit against them over and over the cracking sounds growing along with the pool of blood and numbness.

"h-how long will this go on...? Please....let me leave.."

In a swift motion he takes out the belt beating me, whipping me with it repeatedly.

"Don't talk back you bitch!" He barks out.

I can't help but let out the whimpers and tears. How long had this been going on for? malnutrition, getting my only energy from an IV, the constant beatings and depreciation... I thought he loved me.. I-I thought he was perfect, that he was an angel, my guardian, my...mate. 

I wonder how long it'll go on for? Will I ever be able to sleep peacefully again? Did he mean any of those things he said?

Is it really my fault..?

He makes me wish that I had believed what they said about him and that I had stayed away because right now the devil himself would be more pleasant company than him.

I curl up in a ball shaking, feeling the imprints and marks left by his beatings.

"You're nothing without me you hear!? If I find out you so as much look at someone else I won't be so gentle next time, do you understand!?"

I try to manage a nod before feeling him grab my hair, "Do you understand Aziraphale!?"

"Y-yes! I'm sorry yes! I understand!" He slams my face against the wall and I could feel the blood trickle down from my nose.

"Good.." He walks to the door before looking my direction," I'm doing this for your own good, trust me." He left and I could hear the locks click from the door keeping me locked in.

Is that really how he thinks of me..?Never would I have imagined some place that brought me comfort now brought only terror and pain. I would never forget this..

never...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I felt angsty))


	8. Who wants to live forever?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //(Crowleys pOv))\

I wake up groggy, neck hurting, and feeling the sunlight and breeze through the crack of the window. As I slowly sit up I grab my phone trying to muffle my alarm.

"sssshut up.." I manage to hiss out, before grabbing walkers chips from the kitchen. I pop it open slamming it down. 

"Arghhhh! Ssssstupid ffffucking phone!" I throw the chips out my window and eat my phone.

"mrmmf, Aziraphale.." taking a moment to think I realize that I just ate my entire fucking phone.

Now there's a couple ways to go about that I could for one ffffreaking lose my shit and go to the vet or go see my- er go see Aziraphale. 

I end up just getting my spray bottle because I haven't watered my plants yet and I don't really have a bloody clue what day it is, seeing how I'm exhausted but not really.

I walk into the plants' room, "The fuck is this bullshit!? WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT SLOUCHING!? YOU STAND STRAIGHT YOU DAMN BLOODY PLANTS!!AS TALL AS SOLDIERS, AS STRONG AS A DIAMOND, AND RADIATE AS BRIGHT AS AN ANGEL!! I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY BULLSHITTERY NO TOM FOOLERY AND CERTAINLY NOT A SINGLE SPECK OF ANY OF YOU DISGRACING YOURSELVES AND ME ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE! Unbelievable! Slouching like this."

I carefully tend to each plant replacing their old dirt with some new fertilizer, adding plant food, watering them down just enough to have their dirt moist, then finally checking to see if the lights are as bright enough.

"I will personally see to it that I eat every one of you if you decide to even as so much wilt, grow a spot or even as much as lose your strength and color. Do I make myself clear?"

I strike a glare, hoping to have put the fear of hell into them before walking out making my way to Aziraphales.

\---

I walk into the bookshop, and hear his voice speak gently but shakily " I-I'll be with you in a moment!"

I make my way back seeing him move books aside pointing around slightly before turning and jumping back, with a squeek escaping his lips he says,

"Crowley...." I can see the absolute terror and dread spread across his face and my smile quickly disappears.

"I... 'Zira is everything alright?"

"...."

"Angel please speak to me," I take a step towards him and can see him flinch, moving back, wincing as if he stepped on glass.

"I-I'm sorry..? Please don't hurt me I-I my legs are still healing from yesterday, and it still hurts. Please just..not in the shop Crowley." 

I could see the tears form at the ends of his eyes,

"Aziraphale w-what are you talking about? I wouldn't ever hurt you, you know that angel.. Did something happen? Was it Gabriel? Did he hurt you again!?" I hiss out and see him take another step further back, looking him over and flicking my tongue I notice his scent has changed along with his movements.

"Aziraphale....Are you..pregnant?.."

"No! I-It's not what it looks like please just don't hurt her!"

"Aziraphale! It's our- your baby! I-It's a girl!? Congratulations angel! You're gonna be a dad! Oh, Zira!" I walk a bit closer and see him flinch once more.

"W-what's wrong...? Is it something I've said? Did I do something wrong? Wait...was it because I fell asleep too long!? Oh no.. what day is it!?"

"Crowley... I still don't trust you. I won't forget or forgive you either. If you think you can just waltz in here and try to gain back my trust after what you did then you're wrong! I can't forgive you... and I won't tolerate it any longer d-demon!"

"Aziraphale..?"

"What more do you want..? You said you'd leave me alone from now on, so why come back!? What do you want from me!?"

"Aziraphale..It's me angel, I'm C-"

"Yes it's you! I know now that I!-" he sniffles -tears rolling down his rosy pink cheeks,

"I should have never trusted you, or believed in you or for the matter have even loved you.. I thought you were different that maybe there was a chance that maybe just even one single demon had a bit of good left inside of him, that I had found that demon and actually meant something to them. I guess all demons are the same since.. you've obviously proved yourself.."

"Aziraphale-"

"Congratulations Demon Crowley you finally showed me how much of a fucking demon you are! You got what you wanted, Congratu- fucking- lations."

"Angel..." I soften," I don't know what I did or have done to make you hate me so but," he scoffs and I take a knee before clasping my hands together in prayer form.

"As a demon..no, as someone who's been on earth for more than 6000 years and 8 months with you, I swear to you, and..for once in my entire life form of being a demon, to god that I demon, Anthony J. Crowley would die for you disappear, do anything to make you happy and make you see that there's a speck of good in me."

"You would die for me you say?.."

"Yes, anything."

He kicks me then steps on my chest as I lay motionless I could feel his fury, and the anger burning from his shoes to my skin. 

"Then die.."

It takes a moment to process what he said and as soon as it settles in I stand to leave hearing him say, "Oh and Anthony..."

I turn to look at him facing his back,

" I hope that you burn.."

The tears flood in as I stare at his back, while leaving the bookshop I notice some of it's patrons look at me quickly make my wake out the door. Keeping my head low doesn't make it any harder to see me cry. 

Water overflowing, as if a pitcher of water kept having more and more water added to it. My heart stung as if needles were stabbing at it repeatedly, sitting in my bentley I could think of nothing more than death.

Aziraphale wanted me to die.

My Angel wants me to die..

I want to die...

I have to.

After all who wants to live forever? When love must die. 

...

I'm coming home, Faro..

I'm coming home.


	9. Guilt Ridden Lizards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((ArcAngel Michael's point of view))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( https://youtu.be/dZPp5xCjcw0 ))

I pace back and fourth biting my nail, "That was crazy this is crazy why would I do that! Why would I do that! Oh my almighty! Please give me an answer! I should be removed for this degraded why would I do that!"

I throw my hands up before resting against the mossy rock by the lake. I cross my arms laying before having a lizard crawl up my arm and rest on my shoulder.

"sighh..What would you think of me now Ligur.. so far my existence without having your reckless and peppy ness in it has been but a bore.. Haha I remember this place, do you..?"

I look at my shoulder lizard before fiddling with the moss.

"I remember when you were an angel you'd never quite fit in so silent kept to yourself yet so brave and rowdy. You had good intentions.. I know you did.. You just had the wrong push and start towards the angelic life."

I lay my head down.

"Maybe that's why you left, isn't it..? I always thought that maybe you were failing us and destined to fall, that maybe you fell because you were to soft unlike us, but if you were happier with them then maybe it was us who were failing you all..— maybe that's why so many of you.. of us fell. Maybe it was heavens or gods fault."

The lizard crawls down to lay in front of me and I pet it gently yet carefully. 

"What do you think? What if he was right?.. I remember having had found him in here during the war.. he was brand new alongside Raph.. Do you remember this place Grel? We were here over 10,000 years ago, perhaps more. He had been lurking inside, frightened and had left the battle grounds.— I found him in here, talking to you. From there we started to.. haha but could you believe it? An angel and a demon? In love with each other? As if nothing mattered like we were the only ones. Raphael had a good reason for thinking, he thought he could be with Aziraphale and he..was..!"

I jolt up, and realize what I had done and what I had to do," Aziraphale!"

* * *

"What do you mean a guilt ridden lizard never sleeps? Of course they do! They just feel guilty, isn't that right Lizard?"

"Michael They don't sleep they feel too bad to sleep! Possibly because they're thinking about how their mass murder possibility got away!"

"Whats it with you and murder? Why do you speak of something that scares you so much Ligur?"

"It's like humans with fear, they may not understand or just be very terrified of it so they either make movies, jokes, or learn to cope with it, and I'm coping isn't that right uhh.. Grel?"

"Grel!? Did you.. just name the lizard Grel!?"

"Yes! Why do you not like it!?"

"Haha no no I love it Ligur.. really." I place a gentle kiss on his cheek before petting the lizard again. He then tackles me gently kissing along my neck holding me close.

"Ohohoho hahahaha L-Ligur! Hahahaa!~"

* * *

I'll make the lizard fall asleep by doing whats right.. just watch me Ligur

I'll sleep.


	10. Defenseless senses and palaces of paragraphs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((Hastur's pov)))

> We might have been meant for each other  
>  To be or not to be, let our hearts discover
> 
> I have a feeling, it's a feeling I'm concealing - I don't know why  
>  It's just a mental, incidental, sentimental alibi  
>  But I adore you, so strong for you  
>  Why go on stalling? I am falling; love is calling; why be shy?
> 
> Let's fall in love  
>  Why shouldn't we fall in love?  
>  Our hearts are made of it; let's take a chance  
>  Why be afraid of it?
> 
> Let's close our eyes  
>  And make our own paradise  
>  Little we know of it; still we can try  
>  To make a go of it
> 
> We might have been meant for each other  
>  To be or not to be; let our hearts discover

> Let's fall in love  
>  Why shouldn't we fall in love?  
>  Now is the time for it, while we are young  
>  Let's fall in love~!

I gently and carefully dip him back, feeling his small hands hold on to me.

Everything about him, I realized was better than I'd imagine. It was also worse.

I could see the visible scars I left, how he hesitated with almost every move, he remained silent only nodding slightly. He was a crier, but now he just looked blank.. 

Maybe I did go too far pretending to be Crowley, but I did it for the greater good so oh well, right?

In the end he'll always be crawling back to me, I mean who can resist me!? 

While holding him upright he smiled slightly, "Thank you..Hastur."

"Yeah uh no problem.. Oh and uh sorry, never got the chance to say that when Gabriel forced us to..." I look away trying my best to look guilty, spacing my self from him a bit.

Aren't I great or what!?

"Oh...Well it is alright I suppose, just let us not go into that situation once more."

"Yes, right! I mean Gabriel ceased bothering and pestering me so did he..?"

"...Yes, if by what your implying then yes..he did and then left me alone."

"Do you.."

"...no..I supposedly shouldn't but, I can't exactly do it myself. Going some place or doing it myself is the same thing somehow." he stifled a laugh,

"Well do you think, I mean.. if it's ok with you I can do it?" 

He looked at me, and for the first time I could see a small twinkle in his eyes, he looked shocked and said "Hastur.." he said, "Hastur would you..? I mean well without y'know anyone knowing..? D-do you think you could..?"

I gulped, "Y-yeah.. truth be told I too once got carried away and conceived.. I was naive at the time, thought that it was impossible for Alpha's y'know?"

"Oh... I'm sorry.."

I tear up.

He really is an angel so pure, so soft, so Aziraphale.

"It's fine, back then I had wished that I had someone to help me through it as well so I suppose you must feel the same?" A nod was enough to leave me undone, I dropped my guard.

\---------------*~

We made our way to the clinic, seeing the protestors I could see him get nervous in the parking lot, people shouting didn't help it. I tried my best to soothe him but he was already sprouting eyes, and a slight touch burned, a hiss erupting from it.

"Hey it's ok, you're going to be ok Aziraphale. I promise, we'll get through this together, you'll be ok."

"H-Hastur I don't know I'm scared what if something bad happens what if I fall what if it doesn't die what if he comes back what if- what if!-"

"Hey, hey Aziraphale it's ok, look at me. It'll be ok the escort will come and everything will be ok."

The escort arrives. She has golden-brown tinted locks with a messy updo, she wore a generous amount of makeup her lips having a light pink glossy lipstick, she had braces with a color pattern of pink and blue.

"Hi I'm Melissa, nice to meet you! I should be your escort into the clinic shall we get going?"

"yes please.." 

She makes her way to the passenger seat opening an umbrella, I step out and we soon begin walking. She blocks Aziraphale's view from the gate, and begins talking.

"Baby killer!"

"You're going to hell for this! What if I killed you!?"

" Sinner!"

The people at the gate start yelling and shouting louder, but she continues to walk and speak.

"Oh my god your fashion is absolutely divine! Is your hair naturally that color? What's your job? Lovely weather ain't it? Oh! What are your thoughts on the latest new strawberry cakes!? Do you like sweets? Whats your favorite food?" 

I could see Aziraphale watch his words and get distracted quite easily by her questions, from time to time he winces and I could tell it was from one of the shouts.

Once we get inside I'm given paperwork to fill out, once complete we wait for a bit.

Through the silence we could hear everything else happening around us, a women behind us speaking with someone about the different decisions and options in abortions, along with the process.

To our right we could hear someone sobbing with a man whispering loud enough for only her to hear, on our left he phone rings at the front desk, then all of a sudden they call for him.

"A. Z. Fell!"

I stand up helping him on to his feet,

"Hello, Mr. A. Z. Fell I'm Ana and right now I'm just here to walk you through the process, oh and I'm sorry but no one else other than the patient can be with them during the process so I apologize but you have to wait here sir."

"That's ok, please take good care of him."

"Of course sir, now how it works is there's two different types of abortion so there's Suction, and D&E. So Suction abortion uses gentle suction to empty your uterus. It’s usually used until about 14-16 weeks after your last period.

And in D&E which is also just known as Dilation and Evacuation is another kind of in-clinic abortion procedure. It's the one you'll be having.

So basically it uses suction and medical tools to empty your uterus. You can get a D&E later in a pregnancy than aspiration abortion -- usually if it has been 16 weeks or longer since your last period. 

We could also for some patients recommend abortion pills but it depends for everyone since the pills can take up to a day to y'know kick in?"

"Ah, well that's just uh tickety boo. Does it always work? Abortion, I mean."

"Well there are some rare cases where people have to get it twice due to a failed process, but it's alright because it's painless and can only take up a few minutes."

"mm, alright lead the way."

And just like that they took Aziraphale away and all I could do was wait and wait and wait..

—————•~

He came back looking a bit dazed.

"All done! I hope you have a safe trip back home!"

"Yeah, you too."

I drove to his book shop quickly, ignoring the gate screamers.

"Hey how you feeling..?"

"Better, tired."

"Do you think you'll be ok on your own? I can't exactly be up here too long."

He nods, "Yeah, I'll be fine, I'm gonna sleep for a bit. Night Hastur."

"Rest easy Aziraphale." I walk out the bookshop making my way straight to hells department building.

I miss him already..

_my_ Aziraphale...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha more chapters because criminal mindzz))


	11. We need to talk...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((Michael's pov))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //short chapter cos sxhool got me tired//

"Demon Hastur!"

"Lord beelzebub,..ArcAngel Michael. Is something the matter?"

" Izzzz there something you want to tell me?"

"Why what ever do you mean?"

" I've been notified by...an unexpected source of some kind of fraternizzzing you've been doing with an angel."

" Oh my that doesn't sound like me at all!"

"Indeed it doezzzzn't."

"Does this mean I have to go through trial now?"

"Not presicely but we will be keeping tabs on you, as well as hell would. Only for safety precautions of course, since we cant have another native running about."

"Understood."

As I begin walking back I feel a deep fury and rage grow inside of me, knowing Michael threw me under the bus. 

I stop," What is it you want angel. What is it you want that you don't have?" I turn to look at Michael.

The icy blue gaze, stern but worried look on her face gives her thought away before she speaks she hesistates before saying.

"We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((so i recently broke my phone and switched to a samsung so yknow the story update was slowed down m'sorry))


	12. The biggest lie ever told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((God's pov))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //@That badbitch her almighty just joined they game ya'll))

> **One New Message:** Aziraphale listen I know you don't trust me,since I tried to kill your demon boyfriend, but I cannot hold back or just..I can't keep this from you and I'm sorry for you to find out this way but we, as in me and the demon Hastur turned you against him I'm sorry I really am please just stop before he continues to- ***CRASH*** listen I have to go please be careful and remember tha- **End message press 1 to dele-** _*beep*_ **Message deleted.**

Some time had past after the Duke of Hell, Hastur had talked to the Arc Angel, Michael. They had a disagreement that went kind of like this.

"I've been thinking haven't we done enough to hurt them both? I mean we did try to kill them,and I'm sure you did other things to cause the other one pain, as we did act semi-coldly to our principality..Listen it's better we just forget the pact, and go back to being hereditary enemies, and I can fix this mess it doesn't have to end so badly."

He laughed a low yet menacing laugh, a laugh a madman or someone sarcastic enough could pull off, and still be feared. Michael had been backed into a corner, the guilt and tension thick in the air you could cut it in half.

He regained himself,"Why would we want that ? Have you forgotten why we're doing this!?" Michael flinching and obvious fear of the other...not angelic being, only made Hastur feel more superior to the other, making him stronger by feeding off Michael's fear. "W-we're not doing this for ourselves demon. We don't get to decide who lives or dies! We don't get to decide what happens in life or to any others! We are to serve the almighty!"

"And look how well I fucked that up Michael! Sorry I am not an angel sorry I'm not perfect but you know what I'm not sorry for?I'm not sorry I fell, I'm not sorry for wanting to be free from basically what's slavery!" He back Michael into a corner, "I'm not sorry for falling from heaven, for doing a little more than preferred sinning, because everyone's afraid to get a little messy well I'm not! AND LIGUR WASN'T EITHER!" He punched the wall right above Michael's head the dust settling along with the crumbs from the brick and maggots.

"You're in my grasp now, and have nowhere to hide little bird." He lets out a wicked laugh once again, this time stopping sooner, and with that Michael bolting out. 

Afterwards Michael had left a message, but to his hope to be smashed it deleted. Once again I shall state I'm an almighty entity, I am everything but I am nothing. If I were to give out my form, to cease being for my children to come and all be at one with each other what would happen? I can not meddle with any fate, sure things may not be set in stone but no, it is different for me since I know the outcome. Like a fine line sure a fortune teller has lines they can see and can't but no, a burden I have is being able to see it all and knowing what shall happen, something and nothing I can do for it. All I can do for the moment and time while it's still is disappear for a round and drop a single book fated to be left in a said place unexpectedly and hope for the best. For the other part I must tend back to one of the other heavens, so let's drop a book of truth a book of pain let's drop, "The book of astronomica's divinity".


	13. Something good in the purple rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #//bzz bzz pov//

"Who's is this..?" The ArcAngel tenses, scrambling to find words.

"w-what..?"

"I'm gonna repeat myself and if I have to say it again for the third time I will not only discorporate you but make sure that you become a fallen angel and get that number one spot on my shit list, so I'll say it once again. Who's is this?"

He gulps.

"Listen Bellz, I-I can explain ok? Just let me explain!" The smell of tension, fear, and the obvious look that angels make when they try to lie is written and displayed all over him.

"I-I made my way downtown saw this lovely novel with images and thought heyyyy wouldn't my dearest Beelzebub like something like this?"

"Aww Angel..." I position myself ontop of his crotch, moving my hips slightly. I begin to kiss his neck trailing up to his jawline moving to his ear, I hear him purr slightly.

"Gabriel.." I feel him shiver, becoming mellower by the second he answers with a small noise.

I then proceed to screech right in his ear, a high pitched heinous noise.

"SCREEEEEEE LIE TO ME AGAIN AND I WILL EAT YOUR CELESTIAL BEING ALONG WITH YOUR ARMY AND EVEry single human being shall perish at my hands so once again GABRIEL, you are caught like a fly in the web of your lies and let the truth be told now or meet not just yours but everyone's demise, why the hell is there a book here!?!"

He glances to the side obviously nervous. I carefully remove my fly from my head pull out a dagger throwing it up before slamming it down between his legs mid-air. He lets out what could be interpreted as a sound, stuttering out the words, "Beelz,.. dearest I-I uhh,,, if I tell you can you at least promise me to be merciful please.., I.. I love you..?"

I could feel myself grow more heated,soon not even the sight of smoke arising from my feet or the fire spreading throughout Gabriel's carpet are enough to snap me back to reality.

"S-so uhh, I might have accidentally mistakenly have,,raped,.. Aziraphale....er the lover of one of your demons.." ---

* * *

"Beelz please let me expl-"

" **No!! You don't get that privilege or any for that fact! You don't get the privilege to know me! or talk to anyone from my court! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?,** we're done here Gabriel,I should have looked into you..I shouldn't have ever thought there'd be something good between us, you may be an angel but you're worse than the devil and for that fuck you and your court. Not even your death would satisfy me, nothing will be enough.."

"Beelz.."

"It's Lord Beelzebub to _**you**_ , Arc Angel Gabriel Let's hope we don't see each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((IN the midst of reading homestuck I remembered about this story and was like oh shiiii! so now I'm here))


	14. {Interlude}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (??? pov)

> **Astronomica's Divinity**

**Chapter One**

a friendly foe, a thief, a prince, and the stars

;

"Oh my, Crowley dear their seems to be some pages missing is that alright?"

"ssss'fine, anything as long as you're reading."

"Oh, alright, well here it goes; ' The thief may or may not have had a name. No one in particular exactly cared enough to know. They did care enough to know that thieves are bad no matter what. That monarch's are the ultimate divinity, their foes were heinous creatures and that the stars grew harder to see each day. Astronomica knew better,she was the stars, the monarchs, a thief and foe all in one. She knew and sought a perfect palace in a flawless kingdom. She knew it was impossible due to nothing being perfect, and became quite upset. Deciding to give up her form she came to a conclusion, she'd instead watch over all the beings on the planet by becoming the stars.

In another Kingdom where Astronomica was ever so visible stood a lonely prince seeking excitement, wonder, and life in his being. A thief who had accidentally courted the prince sat next to him over the edge of his castle, looking and gazing at the same stars. A friendly foe, a dangerous girl pondered where she would strike next. The thief was nearly as good as the prince besides the part of being an outlaw and such, but the friendly foe was far worse than the thief. In the bat of an eye her seduction would blind you and she'd use you, grinding you up and using you like coal. 

Everyone's life went on everyone just as important as the other being their own main character, their own person unique and beautiful. It was then Astronomica realised, the perfect kingdom existed. Things become perfect once you learn to except it with it's flaws, once you accept them they're truly beautiful and perfect. It just takes a breath and a moment. They all look at the same star's, even Astronomica.' hm?"

"hhzz,..."

"crowley dear..?"

".."

"Mm sleep well my dear, my perfection,...raphael.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was in tha past lmao suffer///


	15. The lost page in the story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Your point of view?Probably one of beelze's flies pov"))

Beelzebub had left Gabriel's apartment, there was only about 2 things that had left the apartment. One was the book, the second was Beelzebub, though if we were being honest, a part of Beelzebub left with themselve, the other part... well the other part still longed for Gabriel and it stayed at his place. Beelz was done with lies, done with being in love and the whole situation, Crowley and the other one made it look so easy and great to be in love, as if it were something everyone could do as easy as breathing or anything.

It was like lust,sex, and the whole being Alpha thing. Sure Beelzebub was an alpha but there was never any sexual attraction or much of really anything strong feeling that was genuine except for Ga-.. except for a being made of the thing he could never grasp, love.

A knock, then two knocks before being face to face with another being of love, the smell of pheremones a sweetness that was unbareably bareable. 

"H-how may I help you,?" A quiver in his voice that seemed to be permanent.

A breathe then a response, " We.. Can we dizcuzz zzzomethinn indoorzz..?"

"I-..suppose so..."

"Here, I know Gabriel took this from you and well...just take it."

"Astronomica's Divinity..? How does he have this I-.. I never..."

"Yeah well he had it, oh and I tried cleaning the back a bit since it was stained with blood, just thought you should know."

"O-oh.. yes thats tickety boo-"

"Hey, so I know what happened.. I know the szzhit he'szz done with you and i'm here in hiz place to apologiez...."

"..oh..." a tear rolled down Aziraphale's cheek it was obvious that everything about him had changed due to..well to Beelzebub's knowledge, due to Gabriel.

Even Crowley had noticed as well as Beelze that the rosy-ness in his cheeks, the small bruisings, marks left on his body, scent, extreme weight and pigment loss was all due to Gabriel. They couldn't do anything. Aziraphale didn't know what to do either. The first and only release Aziraphale has had in so long was that tear, and for once he found himself doing something he didn't expect he'd be doing.

He cried.

"..." no words were found only an awkward embrace or more of a shittily exchanged hug, and tears.

\---

"haha,.. I have to admit it's been hard, keeping it in and all. Trying to live on with the strange fact that I.. I was hurt."

"Zometimez to heal.. move on, we have to admit we were hurt, especially when we don't want to... I waz alwayzz protecting him thinking I waz wrong but maybe.." Bellz took a moment, biting his bottom lip with a pained soft expression coated over his face.

"Maybe if he was always blaming you or never owning up to it, he was wrong? Yeah, he was."

"I feel just azzz bad..it'z terrible like I could-"

"Die.. But we can't and it isn't the answer, after all just because they're commonly seen doesn't mean we have to give them the satisfaction of being acknowledged. Those types of alpha's are toxic 'BellzBub they destroy and take and take, know why? Because they want what we have. Stability, they want our confidence, our happiness, they fiend for our malnourishment but that's the thing, we can't give in. We're strong and on the plus side.."

Aziraphale had been stroking and running his fingers through beelzebub's hair.

"We don't need them to define who we are, it'zz going to hurt but temporarily anyway?"

"Indeed dear. Now how about you and me go be reckless and have some what do you say..fun?"

"Aziraphale...let's go fuck some shit up."


End file.
